


Secrets Nearly Kill

by anditwasallpink



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Fatal Illness, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 17:53:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19067662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anditwasallpink/pseuds/anditwasallpink
Summary: Steve somehow manages to avoid Billy Hargrove after The Incident. It isn’t like he’s actively trying, which makes him think that Max’s threat really got to him and it’s Billy who’s avoiding Steve. Either way, it’s perfect. But like all things Steve Harrington, nothing stays perfect long.





	1. Chapter 1

Steve somehow manages to avoid Billy Hargrove after The Incident. It isn’t like he’s actively trying, which makes him think that Max’s threat really got to him and it’s Billy who’s avoiding Steve. Either way, it’s perfect. But like all things Steve Harrington, nothing stays perfect long. 

Max comes to Steve’s house one Sunday after church let’s out and says, “I want to have a relationship with Billy,” like she’s fucking thirty eight years old and lonely. 

Steve sighs out an, “Okay,” and opens his front door wider. 

She steps inside, heading straight for the living room couch and then plopping right on it. Steve follows and sits beside her, legs crossed and facing her. 

“I was in church today and Pastor was talking about forgiveness and I kept thinking about how bullshit that is, you know? Like he’s done some shitty things. He’s taken his anger out on me, he tried to fight Lucas, and he nearly killed you, so why should I even try to forgive him? Why is it that I need to give him something like forgiveness? And then I looked over at him and he looked back and it was like he was thinking the same thing. Like why should he have to forgive me for the shit I put him through? I mean, I didn’t do anything close to what he has done, but...Before we left California, he used to go sneaking off and one day I followed him. I’m not going to tell you where he went, but it turned out that because I followed him, Neil followed me. Neil didn’t react well to what he saw. Nearly killed Billy right there, and Billy blames me for that. I just want to apologize for it, that’s all. I want to get that guilt off my conscious.”

Steve almost wants to tell her to slow down and repeat what she said, but he knows that this moment is too fragile and Max is too Max to really slow down. So, he holds his finger up and says, “Give me a minute,” to give him time to process. 

She nods. 

He takes a deep breath and then says, “You want to apologize to him?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Do you want advice or something?” He doesn’t know where he fits in here, why Max came to him and not Lucas or literally any other friend of hers. 

“Because I want back up. For if it goes bad.”

Steve laughs, “You said yourself he nearly killed me last time. There’s no way I’ll be able to win a fight against him if it comes down to it.”

“I was thinking that when he picks me up from the arcade today you could be there? Out in the parking lot? It’ll be more public and maybe that’ll help out. Plus, Hopper will be picking up Eleven, right?” 

“Right.” Steve wants to sigh again, but he thinks he’s met his quota for the amount of sighs you can make in the span of ten minutes. 

“So, please?”

-

Steve has somehow become the person who drives Dustin, Lucas, Mike, and Will where ever they want to go. Mainly its to the arcade, school, or his own house, but it works. It forces him to get out of the house because now that Nancy’s not his girlfriend anymore and the world doesn’t need saving from government secrets, he doesn’t have anything to do. His parents are out two states over trying to build the first Hotel Harrington outside of Indiana so it isn’t like he needs to get out of the house to avoid them like usual.

He likes being helpful and this helps out both the kids and their parents. It works.

Today is all about Max though. Steve knows that Billy always picks her up an hour after he drops her off, so when it’s fifteen minutes till, he walks into the arcade, alerts the kids, and then they all walk to Hopper, who’s standing outside of his truck smoking. Max tells him what she wants to do and he frowns in response but doesn’t say, “That’s a bad idea,” like Steve desperately wants him to. 

They don’t have to wait too long to hear the screech of Billy’s tires and the drum of some song he’s got turned all the way up. He pulls into the parking lot, slowing down like he wasn’t just speeding once he spots Hopper beside Max. Hopper waves him over. Steve gulps. 

Like they’ve planned it, all of the kids circle behind Max, looking like they’re ready to fight. Hopper’s behind her, still leaning against his truck but end of his cigarette is stamped out on the gravel. Steve is beside Max, slightly behind her. He clears his throat as Billy walks out of his car and towards them.

“Sir,” Billy says. It’s phrased like both a statement and a question.

Hopper doesn’t answer him, instead Max begins.

“Billy,” she starts before her voice cuts off. She clears her throat and begins again. “Billy, I really don’t know how to exactly say this, but I’m sorry for California.”

With that, Billy’s eyes widen and he hisses, “Don’t, Max.”

“No, listen, I’m sor-“

“Do not do this here. Do not. I don’t want to fucking hear it.” Billy’s eyes are sharp, narrowed. His fists are curled into balls at his side. Steve watches the way his throat works and the vein that throbs on his forehead.

“I’m not trying to start anything!” Max yells. “I’m not going to say what I saw! I just want to say that I’m sorry Neil followed me and that I’m sorry about what happened next!” Lowering her voice she adds, “That wasn’t right. That should have never happened and that’s on me.” 

Billy’s mouth opens like he’s about to say something, but then he closes it, instead lifting up his hand and placing it over his eyes. 

“Get in the fucking car, Max. I don’t care. It happened and you did that. You. did. that.”

For the first time, Steve looks over at Max and sees the way her eyes are shining and red rimmed, sees the way she’s trembling.

“C’mon, man,” Steve says before his brain can catch up with his mouth, “She’s clearly sorry. Whatever it is, she didn’t actually do.” 

Billy’s hand drops from his face and he stalks forward like he’s gearing for a fight. “Don’t you dare, Harrington. You don’t know. Why are you even here?”

“You’re right, I don’t know, but listening to you both tells me that she didn’t cause it. She didn’t know that this Neil guy was following and she isn’t the one who nearly killed you after. So blame it on him, or blame it on yourself, or whatever, but stop taking the blame out on her.” 

“How much did you tell him?” Billy’s voice is quiet but full of hatred. He’s speaking to Max but still looking at Steve. 

“I just told him that you kept sneaking out of the house and one night I followed you. Neil followed me and then he nearly killed you. That’s it. It’s your secret to tell.”

Billy looks around, arms wide, and says, “You’ve basically forced my hand here, Max!”

With that, he turns around and walks away. When he gets to his car he says, “Either you get in the car now or I’m leaving.” His voice has lost the layer of hatred. Steve thinks that he might hear defeat instead. It makes him shiver. 

Steve hears Max’s own defeated sigh and Will’s soft, “Don’t give up.” It makes him look at Max again. She’s got her eyes closed and Steve knows from seeing her cry before that she’s trying to prevent it. He walks up to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off, says “Thanks,” to everyone and walks to the Camaro. 

When they’re out of sight, Lucas whispers, “Neil is Max’s stepdad.” 

His words are loaded. They hit Steve like a punch in the gut. 

“Shit.” 

-

There are three things Steve has come up with that he could do and his father would nearly kill him for. The first would be embarrass him in a meeting, the second is bring to light the fact that Mr. Harrington has been cheating on his wife for years, and the third is going to jail. It doesn’t matter what, but Steve knows that if he found himself in jail, when he came out, his father would be waiting.

Mr. Harrington has never laid a hand on his son, but the tension and stress he gives Steve wraps around Steve’s neck like a rope waiting for Steve to hop off the chair. 

The walkie talkie Dustin bought him has been on ever since he dropped the kids at their respective houses. The Party keeps guessing what it could be that would have made Neil try to kill his son. Steve’s surprised Max hasn’t said anything.

“Guys, you’re forgetting this is Billy Hargrove. He’s a shitty dude. Max said that before she came here, Billy was bad,” Lucas says. 

“Yeah, but didn’t you say that he’s gotten worse since the move? He’s obviously angry about something,” Dustin interjects.

“Maybe he was doing drugs.” 

“Maybe he was selling drugs.”

“Maybe he robbed someone. Or mugged them.”

Just when Steve’s about to tell them to shut up, he hears Will’s soft voice say, “Maybe he isn’t...normal.” 

The line doesn’t respond. There’s no one in Steve’s house beside him and even his breathing sounds loud in the silence that follows Will’s statement. 

Finally, Mike cuts it with, “Okay, first of all, what have we talked about? You are not normal because you went to the Upside Down, not because of that. Second of all, this is Billy Hargrove. We’re not even in high school and we’ve heard the rumors of who he’s slept with. They’re all girls.”

Steve feels cold all over. He desperately claws at the walkie, not even saying anything, but needing to be able to interject freely.

“No, listen, what if he gets caught in California, nearly gets killed by his dad over it, and then vows to be normal to get his dad off his back.” Will’s voice is louder, more confident in his theory. 

“No way,” the rest of the boys chime in.

There’s a rumor that when Billy and a senior named Crystal hooked up after a party, Billy couldn’t get hard. Steve had assumed the rumor was a lie, but Steve wonders. What if?

He thinks about Will’s theory and the rumor all night. It keeps him up long past when the thoughts of Mind Flayers and other Upside Down monsters usually do.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy’s worst nightmare is making a mistake again and Neil having proof that the dates with girls are all an act. Neil knowing that he’s still gay, that he didn’t actually beat it out of him, that being gay isn’t a choice terrifies Billy more than anything. So when Max basically corners him in front of five other big mouthed kids (including Lucas Sinclair), the Chief of Police, and fucking Steve Harrington, it feels like his nightmare is coming true.

Billy’s worst nightmare is making a mistake again and Neil having proof that the dates with girls are all an act. Neil knowing that he’s still gay, that he didn’t actually beat it out of him, that being gay isn’t a choice terrifies Billy more than anything. So when Max basically corners him in front of five other big mouthed kids (including Lucas Sinclair), the Chief of Police, and fucking _Steve Harrington,_ it feels like his nightmare is coming true.

Billy’s done some fucked up shit in his life but nothing takes the place of the night he found Max with those kids and Steve in some shitty house. He knows that he was completely unhinged, so full of rage that he couldn’t tell right from wrong. It’s just that Neil had called him a faggot after how hard he’s worked to seem like he isn’t one and then Max was with her Black boyfriend and Steve had been there.

 

All of that combined put him in a bad place. Something so Neil like that it makes himself sick.

 

But how do you apologize when explaining the reason why Lucas’s race bothers him in this situation or explaining why Steve’s presence is enough to get him keyed up without telling the truth behind the one story that could get him killed?

 

Anyways, Billy Hargrove doesn’t apologize unless it’s to get something he wants.

 

He’s been good at avoiding Steve in school. The only hang up is basketball practice, because Coach is the type who keeps some type of practice every day except Sundays until you graduate. Or unless you’re kicked off the team, which Coach threatens to do to everyone once a week.

 

It’s the one thing Billy looks forward to, though. Back in California, scouts had started to show up to his games. In fucking Hawkins, though, there’s been no scouts. Billy knows he’s good at basketball, could get a scholarship and go play wherever he wants if a scout would just fucking come. It’s just another nail in his coffin. Really, he should be used to feeling hopeless.

 

He’s felt hopeless since the moment his father had caught him kissing his boyfriend hello.

 

It’s whatever, though.

 

-

 

The day after Max’s stunt at the arcade, Billy drops her off at school and finds Steve standing in his parking spot. He revs his engine as a warning and then pulls in. Steve doesn’t move.

 

Billy parks his car as close to Steve as possible without hitting him. He doesn’t even look phased. Billy hates hates hates him.

 

Opening his door, Billy says, “Harrington. What’s this?”

 

“Just wanted to talk.”

 

“I’m all ears, pretty boy.” Billy wants to bite his tongue as soon as those words are out. That isn’t helping his case. If somehow Steve suspects, that isn’t going to help him at all.

 

“I’m sorry if you feel like we cornered you or whatever. Max asked for our help apologizing. She said she wants a relationship with you, man. I kinda admire that, so I wanted to help her, but you looked so scared. Whatever secret you have, none of us know. I promise.” Steve looks nervous, keeps looking at Billy and then quickly looking away. Billy knows what that means.

 

“I don’t believe you, _man_ ,” he spits, “I think she either told you or you know enough to have a pretty good guess.”

Billy doesn’t even know why he’s trying to get him to say it, because once it’s out it can never be taken back and then Billy will have to face the fact that other people outside of his fucked up family know the biggest secret he holds. 

Steve’s silent for a while. Billy’s anxious, bobbing on his heels with keyed up energy from the day before, and the silence is eating at him. He’s never been good with the quiet, because the quiet means sick moms and the beat before dads put out their cigarette butts on their kid’s arm. 

Finally, Steve turns to him and says, “Yeah, Hargrove. I’ve got an idea.” He doesn’t look at him like he’s disgusted, which means he either doesn’t hate fags or he thinks it something else. Billy’s guess isn’t on the latter, based on how Steve apologized, by how he actually said I’m sorry and you looked so scared and I promise. 

Billy wants to say c’mon, Steve, give me a reason to punch you. “Spit it out, Harrington. Let’s see if you’re right,” comes out instead. It really isn’t all that different, but the difference matters to Billy. He didn’t threaten him. He’s making baby steps. 

“I think you’ve got a big secret. I think it makes everything you are here in Hawkins meaningless. I think you aren’t some fucking macho, ladies man, whatever the fuck front you’ve got going. I think you’re scared and I don’t blame you, but you aren’t the only one.” 

Billy knows his mouth is open but he can’t close it. His head is too busy fighting the urge to either kill Steve or himself. But then a thought cuts through his haze and before he can think of what he’s implying, what he’s maybe confirming, he blurts out, “Is this something that Max’s nerds told you? Max say something and now all of you are making assumptions?” 

“Max told you she didn’t say anything and she meant it. She never said anything. I can put the pieces together.”

Billy takes one single step closer to Steve, eyes blazing. “And what pieces are there?” 

Steve takes his own step closer. “That you’re scared of something big about yourself. That much was obvious from yesterday. Then, there’s a rumor I heard from when you first got here. Apparently, you couldn’t get it up for Crystal when you tried to fuck her. Crystal’s good looking enough. That should have been no problem. When I remembered that rumor, I asked around. Turns out, you don’t even try to screw the girls you go out with now.”

Billy’s so fucking furious. He takes the needed step closer to Steve, grabs him by his shirt, and throws him onto the hood of his BMW. Steve’s head knocks back and his mouth opens so prettily in a gasp. 

Through gritted teeth Billy asks, “You asked around?”

“I asked Carol. Just one person, Billy.” Steve says it like he’s trying to reassure him, like he didn’t just try to goad Billy into the fight. Billy presses him tighter into the car. “Remember when I just said that you aren’t the only one? I know not to ask too many people. Jesus, fuck, listen to me.”

Billy pulls himself back like Steve’s a flame. “No.” 

-

The only thing keeping Billy from turning and running out of class is the fear of his father’s reaction when the school secretary calls his house. 

Billy’s too panicked to really listen to whatever shit is being said in his classes. It’s already two in the afternoon and that should provide him with some comfort, but it doesn’t, because that’s another hour in which Steve could tell someone and then they could tell someone else and then they could tell someone else and...

Billy can feel himself spiraling, falling into a dark place full of hatred, external and internal. He’s a mess, whispering get it together in his head. There are the remains of two pencils and three pens on his desk. Mrs. Ryan has asked him to stop popping his gum five times already. 

The bell ringing makes him jump. He quickly heads out of class, not needing to pack anything because he didn’t even take his textbook or notebook out of his bookbag. 

Billy’s last period is a study hall, so now he can finally make his way out of school. He makes it all the way to the Camaro before he realizes Steve is following him. Billy doesn’t stop for him, doesn’t even act like he cares when Steve opens the passenger side door and climbs in.

They don’t speak and Billy knows he can’t just drive anywhere when he needs to pick up Max, so he takes Steve with him to the middle school. 

Five minutes after they’ve parked, they still don’t speak. 

Five hundred and sixty two seconds later, Steve says, “I’ve waited all day for someone to push me into a locker or something and call me a fag.” 

Billy laughs around a cigarette. “Same.” 

“I’m not going to tell anyone.” Steve’s looking at him all earnest and trusting. Billy hates it. 

“If you don’t tell anyone, I won’t say anything.” 

“Deal.”

They lapse back into silence again and Billy finishes another cigarette. He’s reaching into his pack for another one when Steve says, “This doesn’t mean I like you as a person. You put your hands on Lucas and scared the shit out of the other kids.”

“Shit, Harrington. Here I thought we were gonna go braid each other’s hair and make friendship bracelets. I’m real hurt.”

Steve grins and takes the cigarette from Billy’s mouth. “No, you’ve got work to do before that. Also, you’re driving Dustin and Lucas home. Then you’re gonna take me to get my car and then you can go home.”

“Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Because I’m without a car?”

“And who’s fault is that?”

Steve just shrugs. “I wanted to see if we’re on the same page.”

“Yeah, well, you know now.”

Steve doesn’t answer. Instead, he gets out of the car and leans against it as the first set of students rush out of the front doors.

Billy wants to laugh at Max and her friend’s reactions to Steve pressed up against his car, but Lucas’s horror filled face stops him. Instead, he sighs and gets out of the car. By the time he’s out, Steve is explaining himself to Lucas and Dustin. They both look betrayed.

“Jesus, I’m not about to eat you,” he says.

“You might push us into walls and try to kill us though,” Dustin replies. 

“Nah, that’s just a one time thing. Unless you really fuck up.” 

“And what’s classified as really fucking up? Being Black? Being in the wrong place at the wrong time?” 

Billy smirks, because the kids got balls. He’s already got more fire than Billy had at this age. 

He turns his attention from Dustin and to Lucas. He takes his time lighting another cigarette, inhaling, and then exhaling. “I don’t care that you’re Black, kid. And, if it’ll get you in the car, I’m sorry that I threatened to kill you.” 

“That’s a real shitty apology,” Steve speaks up. 

Billy grins around his cigarette. “Did you expect a good one?” 

“No, but Lucas deserves a better one.” 

Billy rolls his eyes. “Okay. Lucas Sinclair, I apologize for pushing you against the wall and threatening to kill you. It absolutely had nothing to do with who you are or what you look like, but everything to do with me. Don’t take it personal.”

He looks to Steve for confirmation on if it was a good enough apology, but all Steve does is look pointedly at Lucas, who jerks his head in a nod once. Steve rubs his shoulder reassuringly. 

“I still hate you,” Dustin says. “You’re a shitty person. You’re a bully and you’re mean to your sister.”

“Let’s go,” Steve cuts in, pushing them towards the Camaro.


End file.
